I'm back!

Vacation was wonderful, and I wish it could continue. I'm still gimpy and the achilles is affecting my running (none) and biking. But I'm practicing yoga, spinning and swimming, and working hard on weight loss. For the first phase on Sister Challenge, I lost 9 pounds -- my first significant weight loss in well over a year, probably closer to 18 months. The Tufts 10K next month is out, as we the Nantasket Seaside race this weekend, but I'm all about (1) healing and (2) getting lighter. And I *will* race again in 2009. The "tri" magnet is back on my car, too.

Facing my fears.

Yep, that snazzy blue and white bike.

Yes, a triathlete, afraid of her bike. I don't know exactly how I got here, but I hadn't ridden at all this year, other than a few rides on the trainer in the late winter/early spring. Last year I had a tough year on the bike. I got repeated flats. I fell. A lot. I had a difficult time with the traffic, and encountered more than my share of rude and dangerous drivers. I never felt comfortable on any ride, and combined with the lack of sleep that year I never really had the mental toughness to just "get over" that particular hill.

The bike has always been the piece of triathlon I felt least comfortable with, and I doubt I'll ever do an Iron distance race because I just don't have the desire to spend that much time in the saddle. I hadn't really ever ridden a road bike, prior to 2005, and the few times I had were also bad experiences. So it took a lot of gumption for me to buy a road bike and start riding it, and even more to switch to clipless pedals and get locked into the metal monster. My very first ride I stole out before 6AM, to avoid the traffic, and my hands shook the entire time. Eventually I did learn to come to some peace with my bike, and enjoy the speed, the views, the comradeship. I even discovered the thrill of flying down a hill at 40 mph and came to grips with my cycling shoes and pedals. Still, a long long break from something you never felt entirely at home with, after more bad experiences than the two years prior, and you can see how the monster in my mind kept growing in size.

But, I do want to race again. Next year will be my return to tri-ing, which means cycling is mandatory. I also can't run right now and I am working hard on improving my base fitness and losing weight. As soon as the chiro gave me the no-running mandate I knew the time had come to face the bike.

And so, this morning around 7:30AM, after planning my pre-ride and ride with the detail and precision of a campaign, plus a small meltdown at 7 when I couldn't find my favorite cycling shorts, my bike and I got re-acquainted. It was a nice visit. I surprised myself with how comfortable I felt out and around, although my bike fitness is absolutely nil. My legs had nothing and my hammies made themselves known shortly into the ride. I am/was already a fairly slow cyclist, but with strong enough legs and enough fitness that I could make a good speed on flats, but really slowed down in any kind of terrain. That extra weight I'm hauling around made even the flats slow, and little rises slower.

I broke no land speed or distance records, and I needed to stop a couple of times, but I did it, and the next ride is scheduled in the calendar that is my head.

It's good to be making my way back.

It's Just A Hill: Get Over It

Sign seen on a MS150 ride. Appropros to cycling, running, and more. I love it!

Finished the 1st week of Sister Challenge!

5/6 for points, which is perfectly fine.

Journaled daily
Ate consciously
Exercised 3x/week (did 5)
No sugar -- had a sno-cone and 1/2 a bran muffin. Thinking about switching this one out for Do more yoga. As long as I stay within my points and keep sugar limited, I'll be fine.
Drank no alcohol. I'm enjoying my diet tonic and tonic w/ lime instead. Sunday at the ball game I may try and find no-alcohol beer. I'm sure they sell it, and a game isn't a game without some yeasty, malty beverage!
Weight loss, down 2.0.

Overall I'm down 2.5 for the summer. Of course I wish it was more, but I've got 2+ more months before fall, and the scale and my motivation are heading in the right direction!

Six Days!

Today marks the sixth day this week that I've moved my body -- the number of days that I need to move to lose weight, increase my fitness, stay sane, and be able to race in triathlons. Now that I've finally hit my magic number, I have to work at sustaining the frequency, and then increasing the intensity.

But I'm happy -- even on busy days, or days I've been tired, I've managed to do *something.* The mojo is returning . . .

Tonight is my sleep study. It is no cooincidence that as my sleep has significantly improved in the last 6 weeks, my body movement has increased. I'm still doing the study -- it will be interesting to see what they say -- but I think I've succeeded in re-training myself to get better sleep. Not that I don't still have occasional bad nights, but they are fewer and further between, and when they don't stack up on each other, they are survivable.

Four intense days of work this week, and then I'm off on vacation. Starting Saturday morning, I'll be here (my favorite little beach in the whole wide world, with my two of my most favorite little people):

Baby steps.

Tonight, it was 2.30 miles worth of them along the beach.

First mile out, actually running, no walk breaks. Slow, but steady.

Second mile, a brisk walk.

0.30 mile, mostly run, but I needed a walk break up the final hill.

I feel like I'm starting over again. I suppose in some ways, I am. And that wouldn't be so bad, if I could recapture the feeling of confidence, intent, focus, and purpose I had when I started this journey, almost 4 years ago. I'd love to find that feeling again. That, in a word, is my mojo.

Tomorrow, baby strokes, in the pool.

When your crotch pops, its time to re-join WW.

Yep, my favorite white summer pants, pants I have had taken in at least twice, betrayed me on Monday night. I always feel good in this outfit, even if I knew those pants were getting too tight. I had promised myself I was going back to WW after my August vacation, I wasn't *really* ready yet, maybe I could get back on track on my own, I'm going to sleep through the night one night soon, for sure.

Yeah.


Right.



And then I got in my car Monday night. I heard a little rip, then a POP. I couldn't figure out what it was. I had NO idea. So off I headed to a Cornell Alumnae dinner. I dropped my directions along the way, and reached down, and saw a loose piece of cloth on my pants. Oh my lord, I figured out the noise.

So, no excuses, no waiting, who needs sleep. I'm back, I've paid my money, I stepped on that scale, and sat at the meeting. One day at a time. Today, actually, ended up being a good one. It feels good to exert some *control* over my life for a change. Maybe there is mojo out there for me, after all.

On hiatus

Post 199 finds me still struggling. Sleep is better, but not great. Training is mostly non-existent. Eating is just plain terrible. And I'm not really having fun with any of it. The mojo continues to hide.

I don't know exactly why, but I do know I must do even more to stop this train before I go so far off course I can't get back. So here's the plan:

Take a HUGE step back and return to my early WW days, which means keep things simple. I'm going to re-teach myself to eat and journal, using my old paper journals which I used to love to fill out. No computer logs, for food or exercise. No "training" per se. Just get back to the body movement than I love, and whichs helps me feel like I'm taking good care of my body. That means swimming and yoga, as primary. Running/walking and cycling will be secondary.

I don't know what that means for my season -- but the season is moot anyway if I'm not training, getting fatter and unfit, and feeling guilty about it. I also feel like I'm spending more time on the computer than I should (even if I'm not providing evidence thereto), so I'm taking a break from the blog, my WWFC-Triers group, and my tri-drs list-serv, as well. You have all been WONDERFUL, AMAZING, GRACEFUL support, but it is the break from sitting on my backside reading, surfing, and NOT moving that I need. It is only temporary -- believe me, when I feel like I'm making progress again, and I am succeeding at re-re-training myself to good habits, I will be BACK.

See ya on the flippy, as they say :-)

Dinner Last Night, or, Mojo Part Deux

My sister sent me the following email, titled "Dinner Last Night"

Jxxxxx: "Where is Auntie going to sit when she gets home?"

I just adore my big boy :-)

Mojo?

A weekend with *the* boys;

A really good feeling yet hilly long run Saturday morning;

A new yoga studio;

A warmish late winter day.

*Maybe* its back. Shhhhhhh, don't scare it :-)

I'm Still Standing . . .

CUE: Elton John.

Sunday was the Hyannis 10K, my second shot at this race. I actually raced according to plan, felt pretty good, but didn't have the results I wanted.

The plan: Take the first half easy, keeping my HR in Zone 3. The race starts with a gradual uphill, and last year I let the pack push me faster than I should have gone, and I was walking before Mile 2. This year, I stayed in Z3 or the bottom of Z4 until the 5K point, when I kicked it up a notch and raced in Z4-5. The flattest part of the course, along the beach, and again I felt good. I also didn't walk, like I had done last year, until Mile 5. Again, all according to plan.

At Mile 5 the course heads up a hill through Hyannisport. I waved at the Kennedys and slowed down for my only extended walk, to the top of the hill. I ran until the water stop, grabbed a quick half cup of water, then started running again. I ran the rest of the race and finished hard, my HR up in Z5.

Hit the button, looked at my results, and wanted to cry -- I was 30 seconds SLOWER than last year, when I had felt so terrible, and walked so much. I still don't understand how that happened, and when I reviewed my info in my HRM, the (calibrated and so far always accurate) footpod says I ran 7.02, not 6.2. I didn't go off course, and I as a slowpoke, I *always* pay attention to the geometry of a course and try to save as many footsteps as possible. I don't know what happened. That distance makes more sense in terms of my pace and end time. Of course, my result is my result, but I'm puzzled. And I guess I'm still looking for my mojo.

Monday, I was still sore, so there is no doubt I ran hard. This morning, my right hip is twingy, but I'll hit the bike or pool later, and hope to work out the last kinks, and get back into a good solid training routine. I guess I need a plan for the week, huh.

Step back = Fall back

Sorry folks, nothing but grim sadness to report. It's been a rough few weeks, and I've handled it OK, but not great. A breakup that is somewhat shattering, followed by the unexpected death of a colleague, and I feel like I'm moving in quicksand. I can't WAIT for this week to end, when I get to head to Chi-town, my dearest friends, and a celebration of TBTMNBN. LPTEPA, CONGRATS on surviving it -- you look fabu, great pics!

I'm looking around for my mojo, anyone seen it? I need it for next weekend, when I'm racing in Hyannis. Anyway, I'm packing my bag to run at the gym after work tonight. I've not sat down completely, but I haven't even logged the few workouts I've done. Hopefully, I haven't ruined the progress I was making, but even if I have, I've got to start back on track *somewhere.*

Blogger forced me to change over, sheesh, there goes my last bit of resistance!