Goodbye 2008, and Welcome 2009!

2008 was the follow-up to the year of no sleep, with almost as little sleep as in 2007. The CPAP didn't work, the mouth guard didn't work, what *will* work? Somehow, mid-summer, sleep started returning again -- helped in part by new allergy free bedding (oh yes, I am now officially an "itchy" girl -- peanut gallery, please leave that alone), silk eyeshade, and ear plugs. Getting some sleep helped me get going again, and I managed my first double digit weight-loss in a couple of years. The fall, work stress, and less sleep all conspired against me, and the struggle returned. What will 2009 bring? Acceptance -- that I will get less sleep than I want, but maybe, as the Stones sing, it's what I need. Persistence -- that I can find my inner athlete again. Dedication -- to training, exercise, healthy whole foods, and honoring my body and my mind. Quiet -- on the yoga mat, in my busy brain, when I need to sleep. Strength -- to manage it all. Love -- from my fabulous family and friends.

Bring. It. On!

Welcome to the Grand Illusion (with apologies to Styx)

I've been fooling myself. I cannot ignore the WW program and expect to lose weight. I cannot eat with impunity because I still cannot eat *properly.* I still have -- and will always have -- an eating disorder. For the rest of my life I will always have to weigh and measure. For the rest of my life I will have to think about every bite. For the rest of my life I will have to be accountable for what I put into my body.

It's not all bad though. I know that the program *works* and that if I keep doing it properly, I will have success. I also know that I can do the program properly. So instead of fooling myself, I have to do what I know. Some days are going to be painful. Some days I'll be faced with choices I don't want to make. But in the end, I'll be healthier, fitter, faster, and more content with myself.

The plan is simple, really:

1. Back to veggie eating, with fish mixed in. I feel healthier doing this, for some reason.
2. Journal, journal, journal.
3. Don't give in to cravings -- grit my teeth, say no, and they will eventually be banished.
4. Figure out the balance between work/life/training. Know it may require constant adjustment as well as constant vigilance.
5. MOVE. I have a 10K next Sunday which I am walking -- but I will be out there moving. Once I get past that event, I need another goal, and a training plan I can live with.
5a. Become one with my bike. Its time to really put cycling in the forefront of my training, especially if I want to race at Pumpkinman in October.
6. Have Faith in myself.
7. Don't forget my various support networks.
8. Use visualization and mediation more.
9. Remember the skinny jeans!

These Sox are Red.

Yes, I'm still here -- I'm just busier than ever with work, and still not sleeping well. I've had a second sleep study and hope to get my CPAP shortly. Once I start sleeping better, I'll start moving more. In the meantime, just getting through my long days and long weeks is about as much as I can manage.

Fall has arrived in New England, and with that post-season baseball, leaves, and pumpkins. Despite the calenday saying October, the weather has bounced all over from 90 degrees to the 40s. I was in Vermont last weekend, and on Saturday morning at 9AM, it was 33 degrees out. During the ALCS game that night, temps dropped into the low 40s. Tonight at game time, it could be 70. Just more gloabl weirdness.

I everyone out there is well and healthy and happy! GO SOX!!!!

On hiatus

Post 199 finds me still struggling. Sleep is better, but not great. Training is mostly non-existent. Eating is just plain terrible. And I'm not really having fun with any of it. The mojo continues to hide.

I don't know exactly why, but I do know I must do even more to stop this train before I go so far off course I can't get back. So here's the plan:

Take a HUGE step back and return to my early WW days, which means keep things simple. I'm going to re-teach myself to eat and journal, using my old paper journals which I used to love to fill out. No computer logs, for food or exercise. No "training" per se. Just get back to the body movement than I love, and whichs helps me feel like I'm taking good care of my body. That means swimming and yoga, as primary. Running/walking and cycling will be secondary.

I don't know what that means for my season -- but the season is moot anyway if I'm not training, getting fatter and unfit, and feeling guilty about it. I also feel like I'm spending more time on the computer than I should (even if I'm not providing evidence thereto), so I'm taking a break from the blog, my WWFC-Triers group, and my tri-drs list-serv, as well. You have all been WONDERFUL, AMAZING, GRACEFUL support, but it is the break from sitting on my backside reading, surfing, and NOT moving that I need. It is only temporary -- believe me, when I feel like I'm making progress again, and I am succeeding at re-re-training myself to good habits, I will be BACK.

See ya on the flippy, as they say :-)

Back to The Beginning

From January 1, 2007 --- re-making a promise to myself to:

Eat high quality foods (CORE on WW) - fruits, veggies, whole grains, low fat dairy, lean proteins, and tea instead of coffee, limiting sugar, fat, and white flour.

Log my food daily, and eat based on hunger, not desire.

Be consistent in my training. Make a plan and stick to it.

Work harder at my strength training, to help avoid injury.

Be persistent, and continue to work on mental toughness issues. If I can focus on, and buckle down for work, I can do the same for my own life.

Know when to say "no." Don't take on too much.

Stay organized, do a little every day if necessary.

Get enough sleep. Figure out the sleep issues, and get to a consistent 7.5 hours a night.

Never forget to have fun!