Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Vacation, all I ever wanted! Vacation, gots to get away!
Another lesson about food, mood, and attitude.
Last night I got home from work feeling stressed and cranky and in just an awful mood. Getting out before my vacation is never easy -- I don't like to tell people "no, I can't do that for you." A couple of collegues asked for last minute work (one motion I'm going to have to draft today), and one parter, when he realized I was going to be gone for 10 days said "Wow, I couldn't do that."
At the end of the work day we had a baby shower for another collegue, where I ate far too much crap - mostly sugar, some meat, and drink my first caffeinated diet coke in months (The "I'm on VACATION Diet"). The combination of the three had me, feeling shall we say, "edgy," as well as just plain physically sick. On top of that, a spat with my uptight and controlling landlord about my plants (a recurring theme of battle in the 8 years I've lived here), and some emotional hangover from a battle with another overly controlling male in my life at the beginning of the week all had me feeling about as cranky as I get -- which is UBERcranky -- but it doesn't happen very often.
I figured lots of water, and a good nights sleep would help a lot, but I woke up this morning still feeling out of sorts. I was lounging on the couch with my cat and I realized I was craving two things: (1) to go back to bed and make everyone go away for a few more hours; or (2) a really hard run where I pushed my body, and which might just get the good endorphins flowing. When it started raining while I was contemplating my options, I knew I had no choice -- time to run.
Just getting out of the house made me even crankier. There is construction going on here, and the contractors have re-arranged my sunporch so I couldn't find anything. Eventually I found what I was looking for, geared up, and hit the road. I went down the hill as fast as my chunky legs would move me, up along the sewall, in the quiet rain. The place was deserted, and so I just ran, for the feeling of running. I hit my first mile in about the fastest pace I've run all summer, at average of 81% HR (still slow, but hey, it was an improvement), took a short walk break, and then ran the second mile only a bit slower and still trying hard, 86% HR (I needed an extra walk break in the middle). Another quarter sprint and I'm at Dunkins. Ahhhh, I feel good, I need coffee. Iced decaf with skim, no sugar, no faux sugar, and no freaking comfort-food muffins. So the patrons stared at me, wet and warm, pink faced, in my running gear. I walked out feeling strong and so much better. Home in another 3/4 mile, coffee in hand, cooling down, average 72% HR.
It's interesting how many times in our various journeys we have to re-learn lessons that we already know. Of course I know that exercise will make me feel better, and how much I love post-run endorphins (even if I still don't love running all that much). I don't understand why these lessons don't get burned into our brains quickly or deeply enough. I can still recite the preamble to the Constitution (thank you School House Rock), I know who number 34 is on the Sox without thought, and I can walk you through the requirements of various rules of civil procedure without having to pick up the rules book. So why can't I (or my body) remember just as easily that bad food makes me feel bad, and good exercise makes me feel good? What about our wiring makes those choices so much more difficult than rote memory? I wish I knew, and making the good choice was more of a habit than it has become, even 4 years into this journey. The good news is that I *can* learn, and I can re-learn too, if necessary.
Now I'm ready to face the errands, shopping, cleaning, laundry, and packing required to get me out the door tomorrow morning. And sandwiched in there will be a pedicure and a massage. It looks like its going to be a fabulous day!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Thank you Tri-Boomer!
Please see his blog where he is collecting names and stories to take with him on his IMMoo journey in September. I happened upon it this morning, which just happens to be the 18th anniversary of my grandmother's death from breast cancer.
Add to his list, and honor someone who is struggling with cancer, or who has lost their battle.
Thank you so much for reminding me.
More thunder and lightning,
Monday, August 06, 2007
Sleep Study Night.
I had my sleep study last night, and it was not fun, and not easy to sleep. I had 25 different leads on my body, 15 just on my head, face, and neck. An O2 halter, plus another halter to measure temps on your face that looked like pieces of raw electrical wire, bands around my chest and hips, and a pulseox on the left forefinger that glowed red in the dark, so every time I rolled over and saw it, I thought "ET, Phone home." I also had to sign a waiver allowing them to video-tape me for the entire evening, as well as run sound-activated recording. Definitely an odd feeling. I really tried to relax and focus on sleeping, but I sure didn't get a good rest.
I'll get the results by the end of the month, but no one came in in the middle of the night to put a Cpap mask on me, so I'm hopeful!
I left the sleep center at 6AM (after getting untangled and unhooked from all the wires), went straight to the Y, and hit the pool with the lead goop all through my hair, a big dent under my left eye from one lead, the tape from the ones under my chin still visible, and apparently one of the leg leads still stuck to my leg -- which stayed there throughout the swim (I found it when I was in the hottub). I certainly wasn't really awake, and I can't imagine what the other swimmers and the lifeguard thought!
I was so exhausted I left work early today and napped from 5PM to 8PM. Now I'm staying up just a little past my regular bed time so I can still get a good nights sleep. I am so looking forward to my own bed, and some solid rest. Last night underscored for me how much improved my sleep has become, and I'm very thankful for the gains I have made in the last 2 months.
With a little more work, and a little more patience, I am hoping to retire the "insomnia" label from this blog. Wouldn't that be wonderful!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Today marks the sixth day this week that I've moved my body -- the number of days that I need to move to lose weight, increase my fitness, stay sane, and be able to race in triathlons. Now that I've finally hit my magic number, I have to work at sustaining the frequency, and then increasing the intensity.
But I'm happy -- even on busy days, or days I've been tired, I've managed to do *something.* The mojo is returning . . .
Tonight is my sleep study. It is no cooincidence that as my sleep has significantly improved in the last 6 weeks, my body movement has increased. I'm still doing the study -- it will be interesting to see what they say -- but I think I've succeeded in re-training myself to get better sleep. Not that I don't still have occasional bad nights, but they are fewer and further between, and when they don't stack up on each other, they are survivable.
Four intense days of work this week, and then I'm off on vacation. Starting Saturday morning, I'll be here (my favorite little beach in the whole wide world, with my two of my most favorite little people):